A Conductor In Desperation
by Cumsicle
Summary: Hello and, again, welcome to the Fanfiction Omorashi-aided writing of yours truly. We hope your brief detention with whatever activity you were doing was a pleasant one. Although not actually a crossover, there is a mini-fanfiction in the style of a tf2 gmod video. Just image the character voice lines for that part are sentence mixed. This fanfiction will start in 3, 2, 1.
1. A Full Bladder Production

It was a sunny day at Bad Bird Studios. And a hot one at that. "The peckin' sun is killing me! I need some fluids! Stat!" Demanded The Conductor. One of the owl servants there had brought him his favorite drink: pink lemonade. "Ah, that's the stuff!" He exclaimed. Now he was ready to direct a whole movie... well, maybe that was a hyperbole. For what was about to come up, was going to have him eat those words.

At the stage, everything was all prepared for the scene. "If not for that pink lemonade, I'd belong in a bloody 4-star restaurant!" The Conductor had stated. "I might need some more just to make it through this scene without breakin' a sweat." So he ordered 3 more bottles of pink lemonade. After quickly gulping down all 3, he started to feel a mild twinge in his pelvic area. "Oh peck, it all went right through me, didn't it." The Conductor moaned.

After a painstakingly long 3 hours of directing, The Conductor was feeling more and more tense, lightly pressing on his bladder to ease the pain. "Almost there. Just gotta make it through the final act and I'll be home free." Once the directing was done, The Conductor had his legs crossed, about to burst. He soon ran off to find the nearest bathroom. He knew his side of the studio in and out. The closest restroom, however, was through the catering room, which was full of fluids. "It's now or never." The Conductor said.

The studio had decided to spend its extra money on drink fountains to be more exquisite. Apparently exquisiteness requires 7 loud punch fountains. "It's gonna be ok, lasse. Just don't think about water." He thought to himself... and he did the exact opposite. Because reverse psychology is a peck neck, The Conductor thought of waterfalls, rivers, faucets, or any form of running water.

Once he finally got through, he was in tears at the sight of the restroom. Tears of sorrow, that it was (despite having no eyes). Low and behold, the bathroom was closed for repair. "Ah cripes! Ah bloody peckin' heck!" Yelled The Conductor. He couldn't waste another second of this torture, so he ran to every other bathroom, which was either occupied, broken, or flat out impossible to get to.

With no other option available, or and time left, The Conductor couldn't hold it any longer. "I guess this is it." He remarked. Letting out one spurt after another in the middle of an occupied area. Soon it became a full-blown waterfall as his suit was soaked to the max. It was a few minutes before the stream died down. "At least I didn't blow up." The Conductor said. Ironically enough, nobody else saw him, nor what he did.

Relieved no one saw him or even knew the liquid on the ground was pee, The Conductor changed his clothes and continued directing. The end.

Now for the TF2 part, which is what The Conductor was directing.

"Action!" Shouted The Conductor. "Is tea time doctor!" Exclaimed Heavy. Medic replied with a content "Yah." Just then, Engineer came to the pair's table. "What you want?" He asked. Like his usual self, Heavy ordered a sandvich, and Medic ordered Oktoberfest (Which was just a bonus duck). Engineer then ran off to get them their food when suddenly, a scream can be heard. It was from Scout!

"What was that?" Asked a nervous Heavy. As the duo went to the next car in the train, They came to an unpleasant surprise: Scout was dead! "Scout! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shouted Soldier. Angerly, Heavy asked "Which one of you killed scout?" "Spy!" Exclaimed Medic.

There it was, clear as day: A butterfly knife in Scout's back. With this knowledge acquired, Heavy asked "Who is spy?" No answers. Heavy then proceeded to pull out a picture of Scout's mom. "Scout's mama!" Said Heavy. Engineer gave an impressed whistle, indicating that he likes the picture. "Engineer is Sp-" Heavy almost said but was interrupted by Engineer retaliating with a "Nope(.avi)."

"What about you?" Engineer asked. "Are you a spy?" Heavy immediately went into a state of an identity crisis. "HEEEAAAVVVYYY!" Screamed Medic. Pointing to the drunkard himself, Demoman. Which he replied with a "NO!" and went back to his drunken sleeping.

"Soldier" then laughed at Heavy and his failed attempts, with a hardy "Ohh honh honh honh hoi" but immediately regret laughing and covered his mouth. "Soldier is spy!" Heavy revealed. "Finally. You idiots! I am the spy."

Heavy then proceeded to through spy out of the caboose. The end.


	2. Seal The Zipper

"Alright, grandchildren, this is it!" Said The Conductor. "we're gonna have a load of fun here at the Arctic Cruise!" His grandchildren could only cheer in excitement. "Hewwo siw. Hew is yo map. Just go to da wobby to check in and get yo woom keys." Explained the adorable seal pup. The Conductor and co., after waiting a while, finally got to their room.

Once everything was all set up, they could go and have fun. First was the casino. "Now kids, some of the drinks and games are for grown-ups, OK? So you can only play video games." Explained The Conductor. His offspring's offspring nodded contently. They then headed off to the casino. After a short while, The Conductor decided to get a drink and take a spin at the slot machines. "I'd like One o' yer Sunken Ship on the rocks please." Asked The Conductor.

The Conductor was served a round of S.S. Feeling content, albeit a little drunk, The Conductor the tested his luck on the slot machines. Believe it or not, he did fairly well. Spending some of the money he won on more drinks. "Don't have too many mistew. Ow yo going to have a accident." Warned the Bartender. "Ah, peck-it." Mumbled a half-drunken The Conductor. He then put more of his money to the test. Eventually, all was lost.

He had no money. Zero dollars, zero cents. This could have been worse if everything wasn't already paid for. So The Conductor decided to shrug it off. "Come on kids, let's go back." Said The Conductor. As they were heading back to their cabin, that S.S. started to work its magic. "Oh no. Not again." He said. His children kept suggesting they went to the pool and swim.

At the cabin, the only bathroom was occupies by The Conductor's grandchildren, which it wasn't too fun to wait on a near-full bladder. Before he had the chance, The Conductor was rushed by his grandchildren to take them to the pool. On the way there, they passed by the center room which was equipped with a large, gushing, watery fountain. Seeing all that water made The conductor need to go even more.

Finally, they got to the pool. The Conductor didn't have the time to change, but now with the way he feels, he doesn't need to swim. Nor does he need to engage in watching his grandchildren constantly splashing around in the kiddy pool. "Aye, you there in the tall chair! Ya think you could watch me grandchildren?" Requested The Conductor. "Suwe thing mistew. I'ww keep a extwa eye on da wittle ones." Claimed the seal pup lifeguard.

"Oh yer a lifesaver, laddie." Moaned a now full-bladdered The Conductor. As he rushed towards the nearest bathroom on the map, he came to a surprise: It was a pay toilet! And he had no money to get in. "These peck-neck pay toilets! Always teasin' the poor!" Mumbled The Conductor. The required price was luckily just 50 cents. All he needed was to find that amount worth of coins and he would be good to go. Literally.

The Conductor searched the casino, but came up one cent short! "Just one penny will be the key to relief." Said The Conductor. He had been avoiding searching in the fountain for obvious reasons, but in this situation, he had no choice. Whilst no one was looking, The Conductor reached in the fountain, hearing and feeling nothing but the worst feeling ever, he easily found a penny.

Running back to the restrooms,The Conductor was both surprised and unsurprised that a line had formed. "Come on, laddies. Keep it movin'." He mumbled. After a leg-crossingly long time, the conductor inserted all of his available coins and came the demise of a stuck zipper. "This can't happen now! I'm on the brink of makin' a pair o' wet trousers here!" He moaned. The Conductor tugged, pulled, and even tried to manually pull down his pants, but it wouldn't work!

The breaking point was when someone else using the restroom was skilled enough to wash their hand-like body part. As soon as the faucet was activated, his bladder opened up, no hesitation. "Noo... so close, yet... so far..." Whined The Conductor after making a mess. "The kids'll get a laugh at this." One of the seal pups saw The Conductor and a spot in his trousers that seemed darker than the rest of his clothing. "Psst. Mistew. I see you had a accident. I feew vewy sowwy." Whispered the pup. "Yeah. The darn zipper was stuck." Explained The Conductor. "I can buy yo a pair of twousews and undewwear dat wook exactwy wike dem. Ouw wittle secwet." He suggested.

Once the deal was sealed, The Conductor came back to his grandchildren just in time for dinner. "Cmon kids, time's up. We gotta eat if we want to play tomorrow." Said a now-dry The Conductor.

That's the end of my story.


End file.
